Hello again! If you’ve been following along, you’ll know that my partner and I made the bold decision to abandon the traditional wedding route and instead plan a month-long adventure in Thailand, culminating in a beachside ceremony. But today, I’m here to share one of the trickiest parts of this whole process: navigating family dynamics and making those all-important guest list decisions.
Now, let me be honest—this post has been a tough one to write. Over the past few weeks, tensions have been running high, and our social media has turned into a minefield. Like many across the country, our friends and family have been clashing over the recent riots. It’s been a challenging week for us as a couple too, as these divided views have split our families. Despite being together for six years, this is perhaps one of the biggest challenges we’ve faced to date. Finding common ground seems impossible, and it’s left me feeling more than a little heartbroken.
But in the midst of this turmoil, I’m hopeful. I believe that by speaking openly about these challenges, we can highlight an often overlooked aspect of marriage: the fusion of two distinct worlds. When couples marry, it’s not just two individuals coming together, but two entire sets of experiences, backgrounds, and sometimes conflicting beliefs. These worlds might never have crossed paths if not for the relationship, and that fusion can be both beautiful and complex. It’s a delicate balancing act—honouring the differences while building a new, unified path forward. This process can be difficult, especially when outside events exacerbate those differences, but it also has the potential to bring about deeper understanding and connection.
I realise that discussing such a contentious current event isn’t typical wedding chatter, but I’m sure I’m not the only bride navigating these kinds of challenges alongside the usual family drama while planning a wedding. This journey of merging our worlds is, after all, part of what makes the commitment of marriage so profound.
The Emotional Rollercoaster of the Guest List
When we first announced our destination wedding plans, we were met with a mix of excitement and, let’s be honest, disappointment. Thailand sounds dreamy, but not everyone can hop on a plane and jet off to Southeast Asia. Whether it’s the financial burden, health concerns, or just the sheer distance, some of our loved ones simply won’t be able to make it. And that’s a tough pill to swallow.
As someone who’s always tried to keep the peace, I’ve found this aspect of wedding planning particularly challenging. There’s a fine line between wanting to include everyone and recognising that it’s just not feasible. The guest list is a reflection of our lives and the people who matter most to us, but it’s also limited by very real constraints.
Setting Boundaries and Managing Expectations
If there’s one piece of advice I can offer to fellow reluctant brides, it’s this: set boundaries early and stick to them. This is your wedding, and while it’s important to honour family traditions and consider the feelings of those closest to you, it’s also crucial to make decisions that feel right for you and your future husband.
For example, we’ve had to have some honest conversations with family members about who we can realistically invite. It’s been uncomfortable at times—there’s no denying that. But I’ve learnt that it’s better to be upfront than to let resentment build up.
One practical tip I’d suggest is to create a tiered guest list. Start with your must-haves—those people you absolutely can’t imagine getting married without. Then, have a second tier for those you’d love to include if space and budget allow. This way, you’re prepared to make tough decisions if necessary, without feeling like you’re leaving anyone out on a whim.
Balancing Traditions with Your Vision
Another delicate balancing act has been incorporating family traditions while still making the wedding our own. My fiancé’s family tends to err towards the traditional, while my family is more interested in the celebration than the ceremony itself. This difference in priorities has made planning a bit tricky, but we’re determined to create a day that feels uniquely ours.
One of the key decisions we made was to hold a small registry office ceremony in the UK before our Thailand adventure. The primary reason for this is that my husband-to-be’s grandparents, who have always been an integral part of his life, aren’t able to make the journey to Thailand. We wanted them to feel included in our special day, and having this intimate ceremony allows them to be part of our celebration. It also gives us the opportunity to incorporate some traditional elements without compromising on our dream of a beach wedding. It’s not the easiest path, but it’s a compromise that feels right for us.
As the Countdown Shortens…
As we inch closer to the big day, there’s a lingering sadness that some people won’t be there. My heart aches for those who can’t make the trip, especially those who would be there in a heartbeat if circumstances were different. But I also know that our wedding will be a beautiful celebration of love, surrounded by those who can be there, and that’s something to cherish.
As we make more solid arrangements and ask our guests to commit to joining us on the beach, I hope to have a stronger indication of numbers. This process of planning and preparing has been intense, but I promise that my next blog will be fused with positivity and pretty things—everything that makes wedding planning exciting and fun!
So, to all my fellow reluctant brides out there, I say this: give yourself grace. Planning a wedding is hard enough without the added layer of navigating complex family dynamics and social tensions. Remember that it’s okay to feel sad, to mourn the absence of loved ones, and to set boundaries that protect your peace. After all, this day is about celebrating your love, in whatever way feels right for you.
Until next time, stay strong, stay true to yourselves, and let’s keep navigating this wedding maze together.
Yours in love and reluctant bridehood,
Hannah
IG: reluctant_bride